Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
