I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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