Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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