he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
