she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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