Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We got so high we made milksteak
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
