There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize