how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
