so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
