I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
