after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
