Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
