Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
