he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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