were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
