my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
NoShamevember. You game?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
