just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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