Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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