im about as happy as oj after his trial
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
