You smell like a Billy Joel song
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize