I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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