dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
