3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
