Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
