You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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