Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
