You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
