my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
