He had one of those small greek statue penises
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
