dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
