Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
