It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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