Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Randomize
