I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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