Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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