Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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