btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
