There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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