So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
