He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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