apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
