Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
