i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ketchup is God's man juice
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
