Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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