Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
