Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
