im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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