When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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