Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
