I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
