I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
