Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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