just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
