I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
