my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
