Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
