I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
