No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
