sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it glows. i had to have it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
