So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
