i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
