I seem to have left my pride at pride
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
