There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
