i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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