Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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