the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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