Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
