Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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