He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
