So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
