Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
