margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
