she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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