Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
