Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
