around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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