Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
