i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
