So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
