I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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