dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
