it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
