I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My vagina is very pro this idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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