i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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